I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
