Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize