he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
