Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
