i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
