Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
