sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
