the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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