Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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