If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
