I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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