Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize