I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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