Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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