I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
