my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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