the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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