The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
