What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Randomize
