final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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