if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
