I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
