He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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