My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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