drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
