More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize