you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
