"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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