When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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