Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize