; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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