morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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