just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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