Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
