Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
