But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I die, sorry about rent.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
