it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
