one might say we're banned from that church
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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