You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
