dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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