I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
