I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
