that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
