I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Randomize
