You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Girls should come with a carfax report
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
