He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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