Duck Duck Cougar?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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