Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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