Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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