i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
