i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
