it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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