I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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