whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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