I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
