The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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