he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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