My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
