Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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