i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the liver wants what the liver wants
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
