If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
PANTIES FOUND
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