Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
