Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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