ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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