A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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