at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
