so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
